Bad Children's Television
So a Facebook friend asked me to name:
1. The ugliest car on the road
2. The worst television show in history
3. The most annoying children's show on air today.
My answers were:
1. Not into cars so I can't name brands. My old minivan qualifies, though. 130,000 miles, a huge dent on the side, and a weird spoiler on top to make the whole thing look "sporty." We traded it in two weeks ago and got 1500 bucks for it.
2. Galactica 1980, where they find earth. Kids with flying motorcycles and Wolfman Jack. Blech.
3. It begins and ends with Barney.
I thought those were fine answers, but he corrected me with the following:
The correct answers:
1. The Aztec. Unparalleled ugliness. The Edsel is beautiful by comparison.
2. Small Wonder.
3. Caillou. Barney is freakin Citizen Kane. You must find it and try to watch for more than 30 seconds. Mu-ah-hah-hah
Now I have no idea what an Aztec looks like, and I have no idea what Small Wonder is. But I have to concede that’s he on to something when it comes to Caillou.
Caillou is creepy.
The woman who voices the four-year-old kid sounds like a schoolmarm doing an infant impersonation. And the whole thing is narrated by puppets that sound like they’re being voiced by octogenarians. The frames of the show are unfinished, as if they're part of some watercolor masterpiece. I don’t really understand why. The whole thing feels like it was created by an academic committee in the Canadian Department of Education. Which, I think, it was.
But I still think Barney is worse. Barney makes people violent. Including me.
One thing about Caillou that I thought was cool was taken away from me. I remember when I first heard the theme song, I thought, instead of singing "Growing up is not so tough/'Cept when I've had enough," they were singing "Growing up is not so tough/SUCKS when I've had enough." I thought that was pretty cool, but no.
Now I’m thinking about bad children’s television. I can’t be blamed for what I might do.
1. The ugliest car on the road
2. The worst television show in history
3. The most annoying children's show on air today.
My answers were:
1. Not into cars so I can't name brands. My old minivan qualifies, though. 130,000 miles, a huge dent on the side, and a weird spoiler on top to make the whole thing look "sporty." We traded it in two weeks ago and got 1500 bucks for it.
2. Galactica 1980, where they find earth. Kids with flying motorcycles and Wolfman Jack. Blech.
3. It begins and ends with Barney.
I thought those were fine answers, but he corrected me with the following:
The correct answers:
1. The Aztec. Unparalleled ugliness. The Edsel is beautiful by comparison.
2. Small Wonder.
3. Caillou. Barney is freakin Citizen Kane. You must find it and try to watch for more than 30 seconds. Mu-ah-hah-hah
Now I have no idea what an Aztec looks like, and I have no idea what Small Wonder is. But I have to concede that’s he on to something when it comes to Caillou.
Caillou is creepy.The woman who voices the four-year-old kid sounds like a schoolmarm doing an infant impersonation. And the whole thing is narrated by puppets that sound like they’re being voiced by octogenarians. The frames of the show are unfinished, as if they're part of some watercolor masterpiece. I don’t really understand why. The whole thing feels like it was created by an academic committee in the Canadian Department of Education. Which, I think, it was.
But I still think Barney is worse. Barney makes people violent. Including me.
One thing about Caillou that I thought was cool was taken away from me. I remember when I first heard the theme song, I thought, instead of singing "Growing up is not so tough/'Cept when I've had enough," they were singing "Growing up is not so tough/SUCKS when I've had enough." I thought that was pretty cool, but no.
Now I’m thinking about bad children’s television. I can’t be blamed for what I might do.
posted by Elder Samuel Bennett | 2:59 PM
8 Comments:
My Ford Pinto was an UGLY car, as was my Dodge Omni. I get an urge to puke just thinking about them.
To qualify as the worst television show in history, I think we had to be subjected to it for more than one season. (The longer a bad show lasted, the "worse" it was.) So ... Murphy Brown - extreme liberalism and terrible acting; Big Brother - spawned more horrible shows than any other in history; the ads for Dirt look horrid
Teletubbies - poke your eyes out bad; Barney - hands down suicide-inducing
1. VW Bug. Old or new model.
2. Mama's Family
3. Uh-Gi-Oh (or whatever it's called) and all related knock offs.
1. Plymouth something or other. Those 30's looking cars that are so strange. Ugly things prowling around, they are.
2.Worst show in history, hmmm....I dunno about that, definitely some horrid reality show.
3. If you think Barney is bad, you haven't seen Yo-Yo-Gabba or the worst of all shows, Boohbah. These people were on drugs.
1. No one mentioned the Gremlin?
2. I cannot disagree with Small Wonder - Can't remember the time period, but it was about a family that somehow lived with a little girl robot... The dad was the inventor maybe?
3. Now why do I have to defend Yo Gabba Gabba on the internet at every turn? I like it. My kids like it. I like the music. I like the puppety things. So do my kids. Caillou makes me want to gouge out my eyes and ears, and I agree that Boobah is absolutely horrible.
My buddies are the creators and writers of Yo Gabba Gabba. My 3 year old loves it. Her new favorite is Ni Hao Kai Lan, or something like that.
I turned on Booh-bah once without my contacts on. I thought, "Wow, those look like little weird blobs bouncing around. I wonder what they really are." Then I put in my contacts. Oh. They really ARE little weird blobs bouncing around. J was very confused.
Caillou is of the devil.
1. Pacer for sure.
2. Growing up Gotti. Awful on so many different levels. I have actually wanted the part of to my life back that I wasted watching that show.
2. Toss up between Dora the Explorer and Go Diego go. The whole Spanish language indoctrination infuriates me.
1. Pontiac Aztek - who can argue?
2. Cop Rock - worst idea ever. Singing cops?
3. BoohBah - Although at times it simulates drug induced hallucinations. NICE.
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