How to Survive a Staff Meeting

I've been in a staff meeting ALL STINKIN' DAY. Yikes. I survived by reading a travel brochure from Kazakhstan - not a Borat fake, mind you, but the real thing - and trying to wade through the English translation, which, like most of what Languatron writes, reads like it was composed by a committee of drunken, angry monkeys.

Allow me to share some excerpts:

"Gourmets from all worlds come also to try here Uzbek plov and to inhale aroma of hot national flat cakes."

"The tourists coming to Turkestan, mark that fact, that the smell of slavery as it occurs at a kind of the Egyptian pyramids here is not felt. But an atmosphere of spiritual freedom Ahmed Yassaui's mausoleum spreads across all Turkestan the greatest architectural masterpiece."

"Dry you will not leave a breeze is a draught a body through clothes."

"These are underground labyrinthes - rooms for a pray, solitudes or listenings of ethnic musical instruments."

"In addition to services of tourists - walks on horses, excursions in reserve. For household convenience the shower works. There is a cold and hot water."

"The most famous traditional in the South Kazakhstan is national game Kokpar. Equestrians on their horses should show the best qualities of racing. The person who catch a goat the first will be considered as a winner."

"Kumyz - it's not only delicious drink made of horse milk. It has many curative properties. Propagation of this drink became the basic purpose of a traditional holiday in South Kazakhstan."

"And all together taken creates the certain power by which air of city is impregnated."

You get the idea. I don't need to keep impregnating your air.