My Brushes with Greatness

Milton Berle flipped me off once.


I was singing with a children’s choir outside the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, and our group was getting our picture taken. Milton Berle thought it would be funny to flip us off. Maybe it was to get us to smile. Maybe it was because he was a deeply disturbed, strange man.

Maybe it was a little from Column A, a little from Column B.

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I had my picture taken with Conrad Bain.


I don’t remember why or where. I just remember he was short, and he called me the “basketball player.” Except I don’t play basketball.

So he couldn’t have been more wrong.
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I had lunch with Gordon Jump a couple of times.



Once it was at a Souplantation in Pasadena, and once it was at a restaurant in the Beverly Center. I tried to hire him to come to Jackson Hole, except he wanted too much money.

Which wasn’t hard to do, because I didn’t have much money.

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I bumped into Harrison Ford at the Jackson Hole Airport.


Literally. And it was his fault. He said "Excuse me." I'm not sure what I said.

He was shorter than I imagined, but more physically fit.

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I danced with Kim Fields – Tootie from The Facts of Life.



She came to see a show I was in, and I spoke to her backstage, and then I grabbed her arm and twirled her around. (It was OK - it wasn't violent or anything. She laughed.) That was a "thing" I did. Sometimes I polka'd with people unexpectedly. I think we may have polka'd, but I can't be sure.

I didn’t know who she was – I just thought she was cute.

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The lead singer of Shivaree, Ambrosia Parsley, used to live with a girl I was dating.


She always hung out with us, which made smooching sessions awkward. I never smooched Ambrosia, though. Probably should have.

She went by "Amber" in those days. Maybe that was the problem.

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Ricky Schroeder, as I said before, went to high school with me.



I doubt he would know who I am today - he was two grades younger than me, although we were in the same theatre class. All I remember was that he had zits – which clearly have left him a bunch of acne scars.

Re-watch Season 6 of 24 if you don’t believe me.

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I met Christopher Reeve three weeks before his paralyzing accident.



I was responsible for taking him to another office in the U.S. Capitol. A friend of mine who had met Reeve told me that his two pet peeves were being called Christopher Reeves, with an S, and being remembered solely as Superman. I told the rest of the office this, and within two minutes of his arrival, someone called him Mr. Reeves, and Mr. Reeve promptly corrected him. Then, as we were walking in the hallway, someone yelled out "Hey, Superman!" And Mr. Reeve rolled his eyes. So it proves my friend was right.

I was taller than Superman Reeves, too.

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I took a six-week acting class from Maximillian Schell.


He told me to call him Max, which I did. I got him to say “Wazoo city, babe!” I also made him admit that he had starred in the movie The Black Hole. He said it was the worst film he’d ever made. At the time, it was the only one of his movies I’d ever seen. I’ve since seen Deep Impact.

I liked The Black Hole better.

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I had lunch with Jason Hervey on the Sunset Strip – by accident.



We were randomly seated at the bar next to each other. He was very friendly, and he wore a Rolex. I thought I knew him and that his name was Fred, and he thought that was funny. I didn’t even connect it to the whole Wonder Years thing.

He looked familiar, and that's why I struck up a conversation with him, but I didn’t realize he was a big star until afterwards.

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As a kid, I was in a carpool with Jerry Sharrell, the star of Kids Incorporated.



He thought I was kind of a nerd. He was right. My Esteemed Colleague who used to help me crank call joined me in mocking him mercilessly.

He always had good hair, though.

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John Travolta likes my work.



I was in the musical Annie playing Rooster opposite John Travolta’s niece, who played Lily. I can’t remember her real name. John Travolta came to the show, shook my hand, and said – and I quote – “good show.”

That was about it.

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Michael Jackson used to go to the Kingdom Hall for Jehovah’s Witnesses on Ventura Boulevard, only a few miles from my house.


I never saw him, though, so this one doesn’t count. A friend of mine swears that he came to his door with another Jehovah's Witness, and that Michael was wearing a beard as a disguise. This friend of mine also had the nickname "Pus-wad."

You be the judge.

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I’ve met just about every Osmond there is to meet, as well as Steve Young and every other famous Mormon.



But it’s a small world, Mormonly speaking. They all eventually come to Salt Lake City to go to General Conference. I’ve also worked in D.C. and met a bunch of politicos, but politicos don’t count. I do, however, have a picture of myself with both George H.W. Bush and Bob Dole. I thought Bob Dole was going to be president.

I’m an idiot.

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I was part of a singing group that sang “Bless The Beasts and the Children” alongside The Fifth Dimension at the Coconut Grove.


It was at a benefit for abused children, and because we were the last act on a very long bill that played late into the night. We had all fallen asleep, and they woke us up to go onstage. We were tired, and our hair was all messed up. So everyone thought we were a children’s choir of abused children.

We got a standing ovation.

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I was Arthur Kane’s home teacher.



Being a home teacher is a Mormon thing where you go and visit someone once a month to minister to them and make sure everything was OK. Arthur Kane was the bass player for the New York Dolls and, at the time, a newly baptized Mormon. They made a great movie about him called New York Doll that won a bunch of awards at Sundance last year.

He thought I was just some dumb, naïve kid, and he was probably right.

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I wrote to Ron Pallillo as a kid.



He sent me autographed picture that said “Oh! Oh! Ron Palillo.” He played Arnold Horshack, you know. On Welcome Back, Kotter. He said that Horshack is a very honorable name. It means “the cattle are dying.”

I've never forgotten that.