Mind Lint

There is some sinister force in my home that burns out lightbulbs before their time. 

Changing poopy diapers never gets fun. 

THe iSight camera on my Mac doesn't work. This is probably the fifth time I've had to take it in. If I hadn't bought AppleCare, I'd have spent more money on repairs than on the computer. 

Dyson vacuums are worth the money. 

Eating a piece of Little Caesar's Pizza is like eating the side of corrugated cardboard box. 

Nintendo ought to come up with enough Wiis to meet demand by now. I saw one sell on eBay yesterday for $640, plus $50 shipping. 

I could live for years on nothing but tortilla chips and Pace picante sauce. 

The Simpsons remains funny. Family Guy is too crude. 

I have no respect for Kwanzaa or for those who observe it. It's a made-up holiday designed to insult Christmas, and I say phooey on Kwanzaa. I've never met anyone who observes Kwanzaa, but I know, in advance, that I don't respect them. 

Every time I think Scientologists are freakin' weirdos, I remember that people say the same thing about Mormons. Then I go right on thinking that Scientologists are freakin' weirdos. 

I don't consider "damn" and "hell" swear words. Both are intensely Biblical, and they ought to be given a pass. "Ass" is borderline. 

They just shut down a business in Utah that sells edited versions of movies. The fact that Hollywood refuses to release the airline versions of movies for sale and rental proves they are the Satan's minions. Or Scientologists. Or Kwanzaa observers. Same thing, really. 

Doonesbury used to be funny about twenty years ago. Now it's didactic, mean, and ignorant. 

I have never laughed aloud when reading a Family Circus cartoon. Ever. And I never will. 

I never learned how to type. I can type pretty fast with my hunt-and-peck method, but it's not the right way to go about it, according to the professionals. I type primarily with the first three fingers of my  right hand, and I use the index finger on my left hand. That's about it. 

I'm very anal about making sure that burned out Christmas lights are replaced. I climbed up a ladder in the snow to replace a bulb right below the second-story eaves. I'm not really anal about anything else. If anything, my anus is disturbingly loose. 

Hugo Chavez will rig a vote and become dictator-for-life before he's supposed to leave office.

The proof that Western-style government is superior to communism/totalitarianism is Mahatma Gandhi and/or Martin Luther King. Both of them would have been executed quickly and discreetly if they did the same thing in China or the Soviet Union. 

I don't believe in conspiracies. Remember, the same government that supposedly faked the moon landing, ordered the Kennedy assassination and covered up the alien landing in Roswell is the government that attempts - and fails - to deliver the mail in a timely fashion. 

Correction: I do believe in one conspiracy, if you can call it that - William Shakespeare is the pseudonym of Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford. Yes, I believe Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare, just like I believe Mark Twain wrote Mark Twain. I also believe that Twain and Shakespeare were both pen names, and that the plays and poems were not authored by the butcher's apprentice from Stratford. 

A messy trumpet is always funny. 

The end.