Christmas Report/Movie Reviews
I'm at an Internet cafe in Port Angeles, Washington, home of all manner of Twilight paraphernalia. (The town is much dumpier than it is in the books.) The lovely Mrs. Cornell is using my computer, so I have some time to kill, and what better way to kill time than blogging?
This blog featured prominently in one aspect of our Christmas. It seems that, growing up, Mrs. Cornell's family always opened one present on Christmas Eve, something that was verboten in the Cornell clan. However, Santa Claus always left us pajamas to wear on Christmas morning. So, as a compromise, we now open a present from our cats every Christmas Eve - and it's always pajamas.
This year, Mrs. Cornell decided to sew up a pair of pajama bottoms for everyone from scratch. I was put in charge of the pajama tops, and I got everyone a T-shirt printed with the code names I use for this blog. I now have a shirt that says "Stallion," and Mrs. Cornell has one that says "Mrs. Cornell," and so forth. Turns out the only kid who thought that was clever was Chloe. Cleta was absolutely disgusted.
"Everyone hates your blog!" she said. "You post gross things on there!"
We got her a cell phone for Christmas in a blatant attempt to buy her love. She turns 13 next week, and it seems teenager love is very, very expensive.
Driving 18 hours from Salt Lake to Port Angeles with five kids in tow is pretty brutal, and we were joined up here by Mrs. Cornell's sister's family, which also includes five kids. Ten kids and seven adults - Mrs. Cornell's brother came by, too - in one 1,500 square-foot home tends to make time spent in an Internet cafe very precious, indeed.
It also means more time at the movies.
Two days ago, I took the kids to see The Princess and the Frog at the Port Angeles downtown theater, but it turned out that Alvin and the Chipmunks sequel - "squeakuel" - was playing at the same time, and they wanted to see that. Yikes. So we did, sort of. That is to say, the dumpy PA movie theatre refused to turn off the lights or focus the projector, so what we saw was a bright, blurry mess. Which is not to say that it would have been better had it been more readily visible. I tried to fall asleep, but that's hard to do with the lights on. There's no point in reviewing the movie in any substantive way - it's exactly what you'd expect. If that floats your boat, then yippee turtles for you. For me, it was like getting a swirlie in an electrified toilet.
Much better was Avatar, which we sort of saw last night. I say "sort of" again because the picture wasn't blurry, although it wasn't in 3D. ("The 2D doesn't detract from the epicness!" the ticket seller told us. Swell.) The projector broke during the last twenty minutes, which was fine by me, because I got my money back, and I was going to see it in 3D again anyway. And it's not as if I don't know what's going to happen.
James Cameron is a great director. He can put together an action sequence like nobody's business. And the visuals in this movie, even in 2D, were breathtaking. This movie is definitely a game changer. Well done.
So why can't the guy learn how to write?
The plotline is Dances with Blue Wolves, only less subtle. The juvenile politics were tiresome. And the clunky little anti-Bush shout-outs - "Let's fight terror with terror! Shock and awe! Let's win hearts and minds!" - seem as dated as Lewinsky jokes.
Avatar is a prime example of earth worship. If only those pesky humans would get out of the way, things would revert to their Edenic state! I worship earth's Creator, not His creations. I'm getting used to Hollywood demonizing me for that, but it's still kind of annoying.
I have to go now. Back to the tiny house with no Internet access. Weep for me.
This year, Mrs. Cornell decided to sew up a pair of pajama bottoms for everyone from scratch. I was put in charge of the pajama tops, and I got everyone a T-shirt printed with the code names I use for this blog. I now have a shirt that says "Stallion," and Mrs. Cornell has one that says "Mrs. Cornell," and so forth. Turns out the only kid who thought that was clever was Chloe. Cleta was absolutely disgusted.
"Everyone hates your blog!" she said. "You post gross things on there!"
We got her a cell phone for Christmas in a blatant attempt to buy her love. She turns 13 next week, and it seems teenager love is very, very expensive.
Driving 18 hours from Salt Lake to Port Angeles with five kids in tow is pretty brutal, and we were joined up here by Mrs. Cornell's sister's family, which also includes five kids. Ten kids and seven adults - Mrs. Cornell's brother came by, too - in one 1,500 square-foot home tends to make time spent in an Internet cafe very precious, indeed.
It also means more time at the movies.
Two days ago, I took the kids to see The Princess and the Frog at the Port Angeles downtown theater, but it turned out that Alvin and the Chipmunks sequel - "squeakuel" - was playing at the same time, and they wanted to see that. Yikes. So we did, sort of. That is to say, the dumpy PA movie theatre refused to turn off the lights or focus the projector, so what we saw was a bright, blurry mess. Which is not to say that it would have been better had it been more readily visible. I tried to fall asleep, but that's hard to do with the lights on. There's no point in reviewing the movie in any substantive way - it's exactly what you'd expect. If that floats your boat, then yippee turtles for you. For me, it was like getting a swirlie in an electrified toilet.
Much better was Avatar, which we sort of saw last night. I say "sort of" again because the picture wasn't blurry, although it wasn't in 3D. ("The 2D doesn't detract from the epicness!" the ticket seller told us. Swell.) The projector broke during the last twenty minutes, which was fine by me, because I got my money back, and I was going to see it in 3D again anyway. And it's not as if I don't know what's going to happen.
James Cameron is a great director. He can put together an action sequence like nobody's business. And the visuals in this movie, even in 2D, were breathtaking. This movie is definitely a game changer. Well done.
So why can't the guy learn how to write?
The plotline is Dances with Blue Wolves, only less subtle. The juvenile politics were tiresome. And the clunky little anti-Bush shout-outs - "Let's fight terror with terror! Shock and awe! Let's win hearts and minds!" - seem as dated as Lewinsky jokes.
Avatar is a prime example of earth worship. If only those pesky humans would get out of the way, things would revert to their Edenic state! I worship earth's Creator, not His creations. I'm getting used to Hollywood demonizing me for that, but it's still kind of annoying.
I have to go now. Back to the tiny house with no Internet access. Weep for me.
posted by Elder Samuel Bennett | 10:24 AM
10 Comments:
Ah, Cleta. Got to love her. I love your blog, even the gross things.
I have zero desire to see Avatar. Blue people preaching to me isn't really my thing.
1. Get an aircard for the laptop. $50/mo. Call it a business expense. Internet anywhere, anytime, and not internet on a phone.
2. Avatar was awesomeness to the max. Couldn't take my eyes of the screen. Now I want to be blue and wear a wear a loincloth. Didn't read into the story as much as you - just wanted to see a cool movie.
3. I interviewed for a job in Port Angeles with my previous company, but the offer never materialized. Can't say that I'm sorry.
Did you like it when they had a half dozen military helicopters blowing a giant tree to hell?
Here's the real trailer for Avatar:
http://www.break.com/index/hippies-wail-for-dead-trees.html
Hilarious stuff!
Yeah, Avatar was like Pocahontas in the future.
And I think the "AMAZING GRAPHICS!!!11!" was way overblown.
Yeah, blue people preaching to me isn't my thing, either. And I find it ironic that a movie with an anti-capitalist/big business/Republican movie cost $300 million dollars to make, and is putting toys in Happy Meals.
Plus, this movie may be cutting edge, but so was Titanic, right? Does anybody talk about Titanic anymore? The prequels to Star Wars were supposed to be cutting edge technology too--does anybody care that Jar Jar Binks was the first completely CGI person in film? No, because he was so flippin' annoying, and the scripts of the prequels AND Titanic sucked. So nobody cares anymore.
Compare that with something like Toy Story. Toy Story pushed the envelope to places nobody had even thought of. I had a computer engineer tell me in 1993 that watching Toy Story made his mind explode. But do you think that Buzz and Woody dolls are still on the shelf 16 years later because they were so well animated? The characters and the script rocked, so 16 years later, my 2 year old loves Woody and Buzz and 4 year olds still like to wear Buzz Lightyear underwear.
Will preachy 3D blue people who talk about healthcare still be cool in 16 years?
I doubt it.
OMG. My dear sisters need to relax and enjoy a fun amazing movie. Be entertained for heaven's sake. Avatar was spectacular in 3D.
I fell asleep in Chipmunks today. Sorry the lights were on when you saw it.
We saw Sherlock Holmes tonight. Enjoyed it all the way through.
Sure the artwork was spectacular in the film, but the characters and plot line were sophomoric and cliche.
We have the evil military guy going off the deep end, we have the sleazy corporate guy, every female character is "hard as nails."
We have the poor helpless indigenous population crying over trees being blown up by the corporate/industrial/military complex who is after some valuable natural resource.
Capitalism/Colonialism/Imperialism bad. Uh huh.
Is there a more immature allegory out there on film? If so, I don't know what it would be.
How many times do we have to see this story pumped out of Hollywood?
How many times do I need to spend 20 bucks to be lectured to about how evil I am?
"We have the poor helpless indigenous population crying over trees being blown up by the corporate/industrial/military complex who is after some valuable natural resource.
Capitalism/Colonialism/Imperialism bad. Uh huh.
Is there a more immature allegory out there on film? If so, I don't know what it would be.
How many times do we have to see this story pumped out of Hollywood?
How many times do I need to spend 20 bucks to be lectured to about how evil I am?"
Ummm, maybe when you realize how evil you are. Then you can REPENT, and turn away from your evil ways.
It's just incredible to me how anyone can call this "immature" when it's simply HISTORY. How many indigenous peoples have been forced off their lands because someone wanted their resources? It happens ALL THE TIME. Being glib about it and not wanting to feel guilty is not going to save your soul. Sorry. There's such a thing as Judgement Day, and the Creator who made both the Creation and the Indigenous People within it are going to be far, far less merciful than James Cameron is being. Wake up.
It's just incredible to me how anyone can call this "immature" when it's simply HISTORY.
Because it is, it's 6th grade story writing.
How many indigenous peoples have been forced off their lands because someone wanted their resources? It happens ALL THE TIME.
Which is kind of my point, it's not something that's exclusive to the Capitalist complex. Why doesn't Hollywood ever make films with allegories decrying Spain and Cortez? Or are Spanish speaking people too brown to criticize?
Additionally, those in America are lucky that the Europeans who came here were who they were, rather than slaughterers like Cortez.
Furthermore, to suggest that indigenous peoples are somehow idyllic fairy tale denizens that never harm anyone, is further evidence of the immaturity of it all. Indigenous peoples also wreak violence upon themselves and others, like every other human civilization on the planet.
Being glib about it and not wanting to feel guilty is not going to save your soul. Sorry. There's such a thing as Judgement Day, and the Creator who made both the Creation and the Indigenous People within it are going to be far, far less merciful than James Cameron is being. Wake up.
Not really looking to save my soul, because no saving is necessary.
I've never driven out indigenous peoples from homelands myself, so Cameron's $500 million dollar nagging liberal guilt trip just rings hollow and childish.
It's important to understand, that self loathing is never a convincing substitute for true wisdom.
Stallion, your review of Avatar, like most of the commenter's comments, was inevitable.
I wonder, knowing you better than most others do, if you, like I, got excited while watching it: about the potential that Enders Game can have now, both, to appeal to the masses and to emerge as a timeless, salvation seeking story told in a sci-fi setting.
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