LA Traffic Makes Me Violent
After about fifteen minutes on a Los Angeles freeway, I'm about ready to pound a paperweight into the side of my skull.
I grew up in this stinking city, for the love of Imelda Marcos. Every time I come back, I expect to be awash in nostalgia, reflecting on the renewed promise of the City of theAngels by the sea.
And then I sit on the 101 for about six months to go three miles.
I just don't understand how anyone can live like that. I don't understand how I used to live like that. And I did. I loved this city. I thought I would never leave. Then I left, and every time I come back, I want to club a baby seal over the head with a baseball bat.
I have traffic anger issues.
We went to the California Science Center this afternoon, and the kids had fun, except my two year old decided he wanted to take the elevator by himself. Then we went to The Grove, so my girls could go to the American Girl store, aND THEN WE DROVE FOR ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF TO GO 15 MILES TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE, AFTER WHICH I SCRAPED UP MY MINIVAN ON THE SIDE OF HER GARAGE.
My nephew is watching me write this, and he thinks I'm disturbed. He's damn right. He's also offended that I just typed the word "damn." Now he's reading this out loud over my shoulder. I think I will type dirty words and see if he will say them. Except now he's stopped reading this and is just laughing.
I'm going to go enjoy my vacation now. I think there's a paperweight in the bathroom.
I grew up in this stinking city, for the love of Imelda Marcos. Every time I come back, I expect to be awash in nostalgia, reflecting on the renewed promise of the City of theAngels by the sea.
And then I sit on the 101 for about six months to go three miles.
I just don't understand how anyone can live like that. I don't understand how I used to live like that. And I did. I loved this city. I thought I would never leave. Then I left, and every time I come back, I want to club a baby seal over the head with a baseball bat.
I have traffic anger issues.
We went to the California Science Center this afternoon, and the kids had fun, except my two year old decided he wanted to take the elevator by himself. Then we went to The Grove, so my girls could go to the American Girl store, aND THEN WE DROVE FOR ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF TO GO 15 MILES TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE, AFTER WHICH I SCRAPED UP MY MINIVAN ON THE SIDE OF HER GARAGE.
My nephew is watching me write this, and he thinks I'm disturbed. He's damn right. He's also offended that I just typed the word "damn." Now he's reading this out loud over my shoulder. I think I will type dirty words and see if he will say them. Except now he's stopped reading this and is just laughing.
I'm going to go enjoy my vacation now. I think there's a paperweight in the bathroom.
posted by Elder Samuel Bennett | 9:07 PM
5 Comments:
Taking a vacation from your grueling Hawaii work? Republicans have it good.
Ever spent 10 hours in a car with 4 or more children? Hardly qualifies as a vaction.
I'll pay for the little car, but not the minivan. I didna' do that one.
You do have road rage issues. You need anger management. Imagine your rage as a red ball, floating away from you. Floating, floating, much like the log you dropped in a pool once......
Rage signifies a lack of control. A lack of control implies wanting, wanting things that are unattainable. I suggest you take a massive dose of Chlorpromazine before getting behind the wheel.
You sound constipated. Maybe you should go poop in the hotel pool.
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